EMPTY :: Friday, October 31, 2008, 15:42
Although I didn't go for your funeral, but god bro will visit you......
Mernel....... be happy.......
My heart really aches........
Today, after a month, still broke down......
Mernel's case just make me tear......
It feit like it just happen yesterday......
I nearly went insane......
was feeling quite sad...... very sad about it......
At first did not want to talk about it......
but no matter who tried to cheer me up , it can't be happened......
because it will always be in my mind......
like a fresh wound bleeding.......
nothing can cure it......
I feel like the world is ending soon....... for me.......
I don't know how long can I survive......
Really don't know.......
I really feel like going insane......
Because I lose too much
Losing too much..... to continue.......
Argh....................
Really turning insane.....
Can someone help me......
I don't know would I be like Gina, she broke down the moment she heard the news and nearly turned insane, she got admitted into a few hospitals including IMH ......
Need to meet up with them soon......
........
I might not end up there but......
If I don't turn insane, then I will be......
gone to a place where mernel is.......
need to fufill what I have not really done......
Really..........
be gone- all troubles gone......
how good will it be......
sorry if I had offend anyone, but I hope you will forgive me because I will be leaving the world soon......
to be in a place very beautiful......
very beautiful......
When I'm gone, I hope everyone will continue their life as usual......
you might ask me to do the same.....but..... I really lost too much......
the pain in my heart is very unbearable.......
very unbearable......
I really don't know how long can I hold on.......
feel like taking an eternal nap......
to be asleep eternally......
mernel......
I really hope you could rest in peace......
I'm very tired.......
very tired......
I want to take a rest......
to take a peaceful nap......
here, I want to tell Mr Yeo
"Thank you for teaching me these years.... sorry for not being able to keep my promise because it is very difficult to continue to move on when the wound is very big and it will always bleed, it will bleed until all the blood is gone, when there is nothing to be bled out.......
feeling really sorry"
To Mrs Thomas: " sorry for not keeping my promise but I really cannot hold on longer...... initially it felt a little better but it got worse...... really worse..... I am really sorry......"
To everyone that I've offended:" I hope you can forgive me, because I'm going to aplogise to you now..... I'm sorry that I've offended you but I really hope you'll forgive me...... forget and forgive please....."
Finally, sorry everyone, but the wound is bleeding very profusely........ I can't hold it any longer........
........
I bid farewell first.... I don't know when will I be gone..... or go insane, but I really hope everyone can forgive me.......
Mernel.......
don't be afraid......
god bro is coming........
my good little god sister.......
This song is dedicated to you:Fall for you by Secondhand serenade
This is also how I'm feeling.... the song describes my feelings perfectly
"The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed but I have loved you from the start
Oh, But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold on to your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep
Because tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night
That I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find"
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
EMPTY :: Thursday, October 30, 2008, 10:45
Mernel......Mernel......Mernel......
Why didn't you come and see me?
I really want to talk to you......
God bro really missed you......
Do you know that my heart ache whenever I see you......
I hope you can come and see me and have a chat......
I really want to have a chat with you......
Mernel, where are you?
Wherever you are, god brother will wait for you......
5 years......
10 years......
I will continue to wait for you Mernel, my good god sister.
敏儿敏儿敏儿
为什么你不来看我？
干哥哥真的好想念你
自从我听你走的消息时，我的脑海想的都是你。
你为何不来看我。
我真的相与你说话。
敏儿，你听到了吗？
干哥哥真的很想你。
我的心真的好痛
真的好痛
好痛
感觉很悲恸。
敏儿，你在哪里？
干哥哥一只会等你，等你回来。
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
EMPTY :: Monday, October 27, 2008, 09:42
28 days had passed......
I still can't get over it.
Mernel, I have created a space in my blog for your memorial.
Hope you can find your eternal happiness wherever you are......
god bro will pray for you......
To be the happiest person.
I've promised you to stay happy but I can't do it......
Just thinking of you makes me want to tear......
It is very heart-wrenching for me, and your friends and family......
Promise you come and look for me?
I will be waiting for you to appear in my dreams......
Although I didn't manage to go to your funeral,
but I promise I will visit your grave at least once a year......
will get your location from your friends......
What do you want?
Want to have your favourite food?
Nvm, I will ask your friend- Gina to bring to you since you and her are "sisters"......
I want to have a chat with you......
The world is filled with love, but you chose to leave instead......
Will help you pray for God's forgiveness......
Hope you and Eddy are fine......
Did he take good care of you?
If never, just come and tell me
god bro will help you "scold" him......
ha......
......
My good sis......
...............
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
EMPTY :: Saturday, October 25, 2008, 18:25
Still can't get past the fact that Mernel is gone.......
Although it is 26 days after her death, but it felt like it happened only yesterday......
My heart and head is painful......
Everytime I think of her, tears will start flowing out of my eyes......
Is not that I like her, but for the fact that I didn't do what I'm supposed to do and an innocent girl had to suffer.......
She is nice and quite kind to everyone......
Why.......
I still can't bear to think of that incident......
My head hurts......
My heart hurts......
I offer my condolence to you, Mernel
.........
........
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
EMPTY :: Friday, October 24, 2008, 10:40
Mernel Koh Min Er(许敏儿)(1993-2008),15, committed suicide......
Passed away on 30th September 2008
Extract from OMY website
(疑因犯下偷窃罪，昨天本来应该上庭的中二女生，因担心被判入收容所，竟然拉了“干爹”一起陪死。两人在嗅吸强力胶后，双双从组屋高楼坠下身亡！
据悉，这名所谓的“干爹”，就是女死者最近从好友吉娜手中抢过来的“男朋友”。不过，据吉娜告诉记者，男死者对女死者只有“干女儿”的感情。
女死者许敏儿（洋名Mernel）仅15岁，是花菲卫理中学中二普通学术班学生。
男死者艾迪（Eddy Afendy，22岁）是印尼华裔，在私人学校英华美资讯（Informatics）读书。
据了解，死者在坠楼现场留下一封用红笔写的遗书给母亲，透露自己不想进少女收容所，因此只好选择“离开”。
女死者千字遗书曝光
女死者留遗书给母亲，对自己的行为道歉，并要母亲别伤心，在她的离开之后，不要做出伤害自己的事。
她也请求母亲的原谅，并表示深爱着母亲，叮嘱患上胃病的母亲，每天都要吃三餐，不要让自己饿肚子，也叮嘱母亲别抽烟喝酒。
此外，女死者也向母亲交代后事，希望自己能“美美”上路。
女死者也在遗书中表示，自己是因为不想进入少女收容所，才选择轻生。
女死者要求母亲，如果可以的话，把她的骨灰和属于她的东西，包括：毛绒玩具、化妆品、香水、衣服等，都带回母亲的家去，把这些东西摆在一个房间里。
女死者叮嘱母亲 不要伤害自己
当你读到这封信时，我已经离开这个世界。
你不再也不能把我抱紧、吻我、骂我、打电话给我，或找到我了。
我真的很对不起你。我真的真的很爱你。对不起，我没有珍惜你给我的生命。我还这样摧毁自己。
你受苦10个月，这么痛才把我带到这个世界，我却对自己做出这样的事。
答应我，在你知道我离开后，不会伤害自己，或做任何傻事，好吗。
我不要你受伤，不然，我将不能原谅自己，也无法安息。
对自己做出这样的事，我只求你能原谅我。
惦记母亲的胃病 劝母亲戒烟戒酒
一定要记得，不能伤害自己，或让其他人伤害你，因为你是我唯一的妈咪！你知不知道，我是多么多么的爱你。
我不能离开你，但我却已经这么做，因为我没有别的选择。原谅我好吗，妈咪。
你要照顾自己。一定要每天吃三餐，不要让自己饿着。你有胃病，不要喝酒和抽烟。
如果我可以，我希望永远照顾你，并留在你的身边。我希望来生，你还是我的妈咪。
我真的不忍心离开你。如果你可以，把我的骨灰放在你的家里，也把属于我的东西（如：绒毛玩具、化妆品、香水、衣服等等）带到你的家去，把它们放在一个房间……
女死者透露：不想进少女收容所 别无其他选择……
不要太伤心好吗？笑多一些，保持开朗的心情。
你应该知道，我不喜欢看到你哭。
妈咪，我真的舍不得离开你。不过，我没有选择。我不想进宿舍和少女收容所，你知道我有多么讨厌进去。
一定要好好照顾自己好吗：D
我爱你，我想念你。)
Why did she had to do that??????
Why can't she logically solve the problems she faced......
Although I don't really know her, but hearing this news had made me very sad of her death.
I really pity her a lot and why did she got to do that......
.........
Mernel, I believe you have a message for me, the message by God to be passed to me from you.
Can you tell me?
I really have no clue to what the message is after knowing your death.......
If you can, come and find me in my dreams and tell me about it......
It feels like I've known you for a very long time but I just cannot remember where did we met before......
You are a pretty gal with good grades, only got trouble with the law......
But that can change, people are always willing to give you the chance to repent.....
It is not like the last day on Earth......
You have your boyfriend, your family members and your friends to help you whenever you are in trouble, or you could look for them when you are lonely.......
Why go to all these drastic measures to end your emptyness in your heart?????
Although you are now gone..... but many people will remember you- the smiles that you brought into people's heart and the times where you teach people to be strong... be independent......
You will always be remembered by your loved ones and we, the people who will remember you, promise to you that we will live our life to the fullest and not torture ourselves when we are faced with problems we think we really cannot handle......
Mernel, I really want to have a chat with you. so if you are free and reading this, come and communicate with me in my dreams......
This tragic had brought me into tears many times......
It is just so difficult to accept the fact that you are gone from this beautiful world......
Like your friend Gina Lai, she also cannot accept the fact that you are gone......
And most of all, you left this world without saying goodbye to your boyfriend.......
I bet he is the person who is feeling very down from the day he learned that you are gone- the time when he sees your motionless body lying on the floor.
It is really very difficult to accept the fact that you are gone......
It really is......
How I wished I could sense that this thing is going to happen and come to save the both of you- You and your "godfather" Eddy
It is my destiny to do that......
But I neglected to train my gift from God and learn how to use it......
If I'd done that......
You and Eddy will still be alive......
I really cannot accept the fact
If only you had not done that, then you'll have a chance to repent, to be a good girl that your friends and family wants......
You can start to stop smoking because it is bad for your health, you can change your habit of stealing and...... you have a chance to make good friends and get away from all those bad friends that made you change to be a bad person......
If only you had given yourself a chance......
If only you had......
Now,
Good girl......
rest in peace......
....... and Eddy, take good care of her......
you will always be fondly remembered......
......
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
EMPTY :: Thursday, October 23, 2008, 13:34
OKokOK
Everyone, I take your advice thats it.
Now I am going to divert all the attention
Grr......
My head is hurting from the pressure from the stress......
It is bad to be stressed out but with dash things around, how can I not aquire stress? It has been dash hard to fight for a place here and now, I am getting condamned by others.
What did I do?
The suicide case of Mernel Koh,15, is bugging me since I red it. I know there is a message there but I just can't decipher it. It is not that obvious but really, it is soooooo difficult that I need time to get it.
Can someone tell me what is it?
The news article seems to bug me, in the sense that it is in my subconcious and everytime I try not to think about it, it always appears.
It has now bugged me for nearly a month!
I need some peace to figure this out as this had something to do with my calling, my destiny.
The peace that you give me would be greatly appreciated.....
Haix.........
How am I supposed to figure this out when no clues are there.
It feels like I am connected to the case but don't know in what sense......
It is driving me insane.......
Grr.........
Hragh...........
..........
.........
.........
can someone tell me the message?
......
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
EMPTY :: Saturday, October 18, 2008, 04:42
I am feeling like the song untitled by simple plan......
Untitled-Simple Plan
I opened my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
EMPTY :: , 03:47
Today went to play handball in hoping to be in the YOG.
hahaha
must be dreaming.
It is good to dream
dreams are what people get their determination from.
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
EMPTY :: Wednesday, October 15, 2008, 00:17
Today won a special pass to watch the 20th Century Boys. The movie would be released for the public on 16th but I watched it today. The movie was SUPER nice and I would be buying the comics to read it. Hope they would come out part 2,3,4...... so long as they complete the comic series in movie is enough. The 3 characters I like the most is: Kenji Endo, Kanna Endo-who is Kenji's niece, and Yukiji Setoguchi. Hoping the next sequel, which if I'm not wrong, is the 21st Century Boys to come out with the same actors and actresses- basically the same cast who acted in the 20th Century Boys. Kudos to the 3 cast: Toshiaki Karasawa-acted as Kenji Endo, Takako Tokiwa-acted as Yukiji Setoguchi, and Airi Taira-acted as Kanna Endo(aka Ice Queen) as they managed to get my attention and did a great job. Hope this 3 cast would be able to feature in part 2 of the 20th century boys-The 21st century boys where Kanna resumed the role of her uncle, Kenji.
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
EMPTY :: , 09:30
After the performance, I went to get the autograph of Russell and his son, Paul Swift. I even managed to take a picture WITH them. Woots! Here is the picture
Then I made a friend called Ning and I took a picture of him. here it is
After this, I went back to find my frind’s friend and I took a picture with her and some pictures of her. Her colleagues saw and asked me to take pictures with them but I don’t want. The whole motorshow, the only model I take pictures of an with is only my friend’s friend. Her colleagues was kind of jealous and it is very difficult to explain it because no matter how dash her colleagues look, or how dash they are, I just don’t like to take pictures with them or of them. You may call me weird as many guys went there mainly to take pictures with dash models but it is ain’t my type. There is a saying that could apply to me: “Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder”
So ya, dash models are not my type, I will only take pictures of cars and my friend’s friend.
Isn't she uber cute and pretty
When I show her an enlarged picture of her face, she was shocked and said "Wa, soooo unglam, don't post it up" hahaha but I said "you look nice in this angle" so I decided to 'defy" her and post it up
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It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
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