EMPTY :: Wednesday, December 31, 2008, 23:44
No gentle winds, seek not my heart,For simply ... it has torn apart.
Can't go with Gina.......
will be meeting her tomorrow........
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EMPTY :: , 21:46
Another few hours is new year......2009
It will never be the same again as before......
without you......life has become very empty........
too empty......
everyone going to countdown......
hope you enjoy yourself too.......
don't forget to come and visit me, k?
I really miss you
really love you.........
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EMPTY :: , 03:09
Yesterday 3 months has passed......
it went away just as quickly.......
I hate this day alot alot, i miss you all like a madness.
Can you believe it? its the third month?
I can't believe it, hard to believe.....
3 month have pass, miss you all much much......
really miss the days we had.......
come visit me ok?
I'll always be waiting for you......
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EMPTY :: Sunday, December 28, 2008, 04:53
The bond we had once were strong......
Mernel...... I could feel where you are......
but....
the bond is slowly fading......
my life is shattering.......
the previous me is...... gone forever
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EMPTY :: Saturday, December 27, 2008, 23:09
Mernel.... will be visiting you soon
88 days had passed.......
Listening to the songs you listened before......
......
School's reopening soon
hope to see you often....
come and visit me....k?
really miss you......
really love you......
Sis....take care
stay pretty......
......
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EMPTY :: Thursday, December 25, 2008, 21:09
Merry Christmas to you......Mernel
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EMPTY :: Monday, December 15, 2008, 05:01
76 days passed......
Mernel....I will be visiting you soon......
wait k?
I miss you....
I love you.......
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EMPTY :: Sunday, December 14, 2008, 23:04
Counting the days you were gone......
since then, my life has been difficult......
it has been difficult and I'm trying to live everyday.....
it is a struggle......
Listening to Daniel Powter's new song called "Best of me"
it is very nice.....
if you were still here, you would have like this song.....so I am dedicating this song to you, Mernel......
you made up my life.....
when others despise me, you took me in.....
we had lots of fun......
lots of people hate me in school......
but you don't..... we even become the best of friends and also become god brothers and sisters......
now....
people still despise me but I do not care anymore.....
they can hate me..... be jealous..... anything......
I don't care now.....
what matters is you and Gina.....
Gina is still here.....
but you are gone already......
I given up in almost everything......
but you......
I definitely would not give up on you......
never would I give up on you.......
miss you a lot......
Best of me-Daniel Powter
I was made the wrong way
won't you do me the right way
where you gonna be tonight
'cause I won't stay too long
maybe you're the light for me
when you talk to me it strikes me
won't somebody help me
'cause I don't feel too strong
Was it something that I said
was it something that I did
or the combination of both that did me wrong
You know I'm hoping you'll sing along
Though it's not your favorite song
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say
you know that some of us spin again
when you do, you need a friend
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me
and I hate the thought of finally being erased
baby that's the best of me
Everything's behind you
but the hope still stands beside you
living in every moment
have I wasted all your time
Was there something that I said
was there something that I did
or the combination I broke that did me have
You know I'm hoping you'll sing along
though it's not your favorite song
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say
you know that some of us spin again
when you do, you need a friend
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me
and I hate the thought of finally being erased
baby that's the best of me
baby that's the best of me
You know I'm hoping you'll sing along
though it's not your favorite song
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say
you know that some of us spin again
when you do, you need a friend
don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me
and I hate the thought of finally being erased
baby that's the best of me
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EMPTY :: , 08:42
75 days had passed......
Mernel.... I am coming to visit you soon
I hope Gina can come along.....she misses you a lot.....
She has lots of things to tell you.... me too....
we both got lots of things to tell you.....
Christmas is coming.... will you come and celebrate it with me?
I might be celebrate it with Gina..... don't know how yet
Don't know how would she be.......
Hope you come along to celebrate with us......
we miss you a lot......
I dedicate the song "Silent Night" to you......
hope you like this Christmas song......
I will come and visit you again maybe during Christmas or few days before......
will sing to you Christmas songs to you to celebrate with you.......
without you here......
nothing is joyful......
all the joy turned into sorrow.....
you must take care.....
come and visit me whenever you can.....
you can bring Eddy with you......
just hope you come.......
.......
it is just so difficult to live life like before......
nothing will ever be the same again.......
the loneliness.......
we both experience it before......
same personality.....same bond shared......
even at death......
our bond still exist......
I can feel it.......
help Gina to stand up again......
help her to stand on her feet again......
you have left......
I do not want to see her go like this.....
or the wound in my heart would be gashed deeper......
deeper than the ocean floor.....
than in that state.... I'll not be able to stand up again.....
the pain now.....
is very pain.....
quite unbearable.....
I feel like giving up......
but trying to stand up despite the odds......
I'm all bleeding over......
but I must try.....
only then if I fail..... I would have no regrets......
nothing in this world i can bring away......
but always having God by my side......
asking him to help me......
to let me stay......
to fulfill my calling by him.....
only by completing it......
then I can safely go.....
go back to His side.......
to assist Him......
for now..... trying to complete my task given by Him......
not matter how much I've bled...... I still must continue......
continue till the day I fall......
I don't know where it is......
but I'm not afraid......
Mernel.......
Gina and I really misses you a lot.......
we really do......
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EMPTY :: , 00:01
Mernel...... will be visiting you soon......
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EMPTY :: Saturday, December 13, 2008, 04:50
74 days passed......
Since you were gone.....nothing in my life is the same again......
my life......it has just changed
never will it be the same again.......
visited you .....
you were still pretty....
sorry didn't manage to bring food for you.......
school's going to reopen, I don't know what to do......
death is inevitable..... it's only the matter of time......
if I leave now...if I leave later.....the only difference is the time frame......
nothing is going to change.......
still trying to hang on......
you will always be etched in my heart.....my memories......
I will never be able to be happy again.....
in the sense of true happiness......
I wil try to fake happiness but I don't know it can last for how long......
it is just so tired........
I'm so tired........
Missing you every second......every minute.....every hour......every day......every month......every year......every decade......every century......every eon.....
forever......
......
the days are gone......
my feelings are gone too......
gone with you......
I'm just an empty body......
my soul is gone......
the previous Ben is......gone forever
Mernel......
always my good god-sister......
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EMPTY :: Tuesday, December 09, 2008, 10:02
70 days had passed......
I have completely lost the meaning of happiness.....
my dictionary does not contain these words anymore.......
the feeling of being truly happy......is lost forever......
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EMPTY :: , 03:18
70 days has passed......
This poem is for you
(you are like a bird
with a broken wings
you try your best to fly,
but at the end,
you've lost all your energy
fall right down
you are like a tree
with no roots
that you can't survive
you are like a leg
without a shoe
that you are so lonely and cold)
I am sorry I'm unable to do anything.......
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EMPTY :: Monday, December 08, 2008, 06:36
69 days......
Mernel..... really miss you
will be visiting you soon.....
come and look for me, k?
I'll be waiting for you......
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EMPTY :: Sunday, December 07, 2008, 22:44
People....... I need some time...... alone
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EMPTY :: Saturday, December 06, 2008, 23:10
67 days had passed after you left…….
Mernel went to visit you…… brought your favorite food along but sorry don’t have hotdog and caramel corn……
do you know how much I miss you?
everybody does…… especially me and Gina…….
she had lost a best friend and her boyfriend too…….
she needs help now…….
but I don’t know what to do…….
I understand her feelings as we had lost the same person….. That person is you…….
she is now in a fragile state and I don’t know what to do…….
the void in my heart is also not filled……. It just can’t be filled…….
I want to help her but we are in the same boat, it is very difficult for me…….
you just left like this……
we really miss you, Mernel……..
if you can see this, go to Gina’s dreams first and then come to mine……
you have promise to come and visit me again….. but go to Gina first……
she really needs you……
please, sis, please come and visit us…….
I don’t want to see Gina crumble…… it just pains to see her in this state…..
after going to her dreams to calm her…. come to mine…… tell me what must I do to help her…….
although she is just like a normal friend, not like us god-brothers and sisters but now, it feels like she is a close friend……
I don’t want to lose her……
I is just too much when I lose you, my god-sister…….
I don’t want to lose another friend to sorrow again……
now….. I don’t know what to do……
just live a day, and see how long can I hold on…….
but before I leave…. I want to make sure I’ve done my calling…….
make sure all of my friends are safe……
that’s my job…. to nurture them……
to make them stronger…..
but……
for Gina’s case, I’m really at a loss of what to do……
tell me, Mernel….. tell me….
what should I do?
my head and heart are aching…… very painfully……
but I, Gina and your other friends will remember you forever……
till death, I and Gina would continue to look for you…… to finish and do my job as an elder god-brother…….
for now, I am really hanging on a thin thread…… I don’t know what to do…….
memorial for you…… you will always be in our hearts……..
you will always be as pretty as ever….. you will always be my best god-sister……
no one can replace you…….
in our hearts…. you will always be the first…..
I can guarantee that even if I had a gf, or when next time I get married….. you will still be in my heart….. the very first place……… she would be second……
it is just too much……
too much to lose you……..
I would try my very best to name my daughter as you…… so as a way to remember you….. if I had 2 daughters in the future…. I would name the other one after your best friend…Gina……
you will always be missed by us……
now…….
Gina…… really needs your help……
go and calm her, then tell me what to do…..
then I can help her out……
we really miss you, Mernel…..
please come as often as you can….my door is open 24/7 for you……
I guess I would have to put a false front in front of Gina……
and maybe the teachers when I go back to school……
I do not know whether can I do it but I don’t want Gina just bottle her feelings inside……
it is a very painful feeling….. I’ve experienced it before…..
it is just like bleeding internally…. like now what I am going through…..
hope is all lost…..
I don’t want Gina to do it……
I do not know whether she can take it……
when you visit her, tell her she can tell me her problems….. just like you did before…..
I am here to help….
it is my calling…..
and this, especially my friend…….
the more I must do it…..
to protect their souls… to nurture them……
Gina’s one is really fragile…..
help me strengthen it…….
as you are her best friend…tell me what must I do to stop her from becoming like me……
I don’t mind to bear all the pain….. just let her live life strongly……
the saying is true: “The ones who live suffer the most”
I really don’t mind to bear all the pain…….
I just don’t want to see Gina in this state……
it really pains me to see her like that……
as it would pains me to see my friend suffering…..
tell me what must I do, Mernel, tell me how can I relieve Gina of the suffering she has…..
the blow she had received it really too much…. akin to what I am going through
it just breaks our hearts……..
I don’t know will I be able to stand……
just don’t want Gina to suffer the same thing…..
she has two void….. not like mine….. only one…….
and I got to find ways to lessen the blow she had received…. To fill her void partially……
Mernel……
do come……
I really got lots of things to tell you……
will come and visit you again soon…… if possible……
but for now……
what I and Gina want to tell you is we really miss you……
come and visit us……
we really need you……
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