EMPTY :: Wednesday, July 28, 2010, 02:05
Have no time to waste anymore.
Suddenly, my sis has given me a renewed interest in A maths, which i kinda hated it in the past.
Will bring my com to check what's wrong tomorrow. Hope the problem ain't too serious.
Well, revision is pilling up, so will have even lesser time to go to H.
Hope you're doing fine. Will log in once a week, just to check how are things.
Sigh.
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EMPTY :: Monday, July 26, 2010, 00:47
This blog will be quite dead. Nothing much to post and no one comes anyway.
So yea....will update it once in a while.
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EMPTY :: Monday, July 19, 2010, 23:55
Good luck for tomorrow's paper. You can do it.
*Might be changing skin soon. See how first.
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EMPTY :: Thursday, July 15, 2010, 22:52
Do you remember the times when you're sad and needed help in H? Or the times when you want to rant about your past in H? I was there. It'll never change. I'll be there for you.
I still remember that very day, you were very sad because of something, then we went to one of your rooms and you started talking about it, you said you were crying while talking to me, and as you cry, you asked me for help, to help you cos you're at your wits end. You sounded like you needed help desperately and that i'm the only one who you could trust. At that point of time, in H, i was the only one there you know very well. You don't know what to do. I told you that day, that i'll help no matter what. Do you remember what i've said? I don't know if you did but i remembered every details about your past, what you've told me.
Every time when you're sad and want to rant about your past or what, i always give you my ear, i always let you rant on, no matter how unreasonable it sounds, no matter how painful i feel when i could not do anything to help you. You did some ugly things and told me not to tell anyone about it and i promised you that.
No matter how tired i was, i always go on H, to accompany you just in case you need help or an ear. I never say you can't enjoy your time in H. You told me you come to H to escape from reality. There was once when you only came on at 3 in the morning. Seeing you on H, i immediately went on and you said i must love you a lot to be on at this point of time. Yes, you're right. I was indeed very tired, but i hang on just to accompany you because i love you. Well, you were right: I never wanted to come to H because i find it pointless and boring. BUT i created an account there because at that point of time, you were more messed up than you are now and that i know you spend most of your time there, so i created an account to help you, to talk to you. I know i lied to you initially that it wasn't me, but that is because i don't want you to know i'm helping you. I want to help you but i don't want you to know. End up you did, you knew me cos of my speaking way. I created an account in H to help you, to help you in anyway i can. Remember the times when you ask me how come i'm always silent, not talking? Well, the reason is i don't want to disrupt you from having fun since you were okay. I only talk when you were bored, or when you want to rant about stuff or when you're sad.
I appreciate everything you've given me in H, the furni, the respects and rights. I have never thought of having rewards for my help. I helped you cos i care for you and cos i love you.
And the thing is, i was never angry at you. Times when normal humans would get angry, i was not, instead of feeling angry like most people do, i felt disappointed and melancholic.
I do hope you are not angry with me anymore. I know what i need to do already. I know where i was wrong at. I won't be everywhere, I would only come H once in a while or a few days a week, just to check how are you. I have realise that i didn't give you enough space because i was too worried about you. I'm sorry about that. I apologise to you for that. Hope you are not angry anymore.
You said you were mental, i know. Despite that, i still hang on despite when i suffered cos i know when you have an episode, you suffer more. I still hang on because of you. Taking care of someone who is a little mental can be really hard. But i'm not giving up. i have taken an oath and i'm not going to break it.
I do hope you see this. Though i know most likely you won't come since no one comes to my blog anyway.
That's all i could think about. Always remember: I'll be there when you need help or an ear, i'll always be there for you. I promise.
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EMPTY :: Tuesday, July 13, 2010, 23:09
Great.....i can't sleep for 2 days.
Worst of all, i forgot the Chinese oral is today, forgot to wish you.
I wish everything will be fine.
As i said to you before, everything will be alright, i promise.
I wonder.....how are you now?
See you soon, 5 more days to go.
Sigh
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EMPTY :: , 02:22
I hope things get better, i'm working very hard, tearing at the same time for i fear i'll lose you.....because i can't.
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EMPTY :: Monday, July 12, 2010, 00:14
/edited
I've given myself 1 week to work things out, to settle all the problems i have.
It will be okay, i promise
Everything will be fine.
I don't know if you still come here or not, my blog seems dead anyway. But i got to tell you is: No matter what, i'll be there for you. You can take my word. We'll go through thick and thin, i promise.
It's all hidden
I won't leave, i promise.
I need to work on some stuff, hope to see you soon.
Today is the first day, still got 6 more days to go.
One week, is what i have promise.
I'll see you again, hope you'll be fine for these 6 days before I come and see you again.
I do hope you'll not be angry anymore as i'm working things out.
Guess i'll just spend time continue to write my story for this 6 days.
I can handle all of these.
God, please show me what to do to hang on.
I'm willing to stay by her side cos i love her, i don't care how tough it's going to be. Give me the strength and help me. Thank you. Amen
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EMPTY :: Friday, July 09, 2010, 03:41
What if i entered the class i needed and not i wanted?
What if that happens?
It's hard not to think about it. Pondering about it for years.....
Why did i come to this school with such a good score that made me got into the so-called 2nd best class in sec 1 then moved on to the so-called best class in sec 2 and on with sec 3 and 4?
If i had swapped my option 1 with option 2 in sec 2 when choosing the subject combination, i wouldn't have all the what ifs.....
People may say it's stupid, yes it sounds but have anyone wondered why everything is worth sacrificing for the person you love?
Maybe someday you'll all know.
Or maybe i'm the only fool in this world willing to sacrifice anything for the person i love.
I hate myself for not being in the same class as you.
I hate myself for not being to help you much in school because i wasn't in your class and hence don't know much.
I do hope you remember what i told you in the past. The answer will never change. livoyeuo.
The world is a sad place to live in.
It was lucky you didn't bed with khw, if not you'll regret it.
I hate myself for not being to help you much in school because i wasn't in your class and hence don't know much.
But one thing for sure: my love for you never change.
I hope you remember what i said the day i confessed to you.
It'll be the same, as always. It'll never change
I only have you left.
You might have seen me. I hope not.
I'll reworked everything, i'll let you cool off.
See you in a week's time. Hope everything will be fine.
I pray to God, I pray to Him.
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EMPTY :: , 03:20
You forgotten about it.....
But still i'll hold onto what i promised
livoyeuo and that will never change.
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EMPTY :: Monday, July 05, 2010, 02:21
I seen through my soul's eye, a little girl who hides and asked for help but nobody came.
In the past she has loads but it somehow disappear.
So i decided to give a hand
But as i helped, i get hurt.
In the end after a long time since people left, i still remained.
I still remained, ready to give my hand.
The little girl is still hiding, and i'm doing my very best to get her out.
Promises have been made, and i'm not breaking it.
No matter how hard, i'll still do it.I'm still here, yh. Even when you say others left, and you're all alone, a confuse kid. I'm still here. You ain't alone. The little girl in this post is you. The only reason why am i still here helping you. Cos i made an oath to take care of you, and because i love you.
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EMPTY :: Saturday, July 03, 2010, 22:26
I've never felt so lonely in my life before, it felt like the times when my sis passed away. I'm sorry
I wish things could be like last time.
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EMPTY :: , 14:15
Everyone vanishes, i'm the only one left who refuses to leave despite me bleeding from it. Well, all i can say has already been said in the last few post. There's nothing much to say eh?
I couldn't leave, not now at least. I have to hang on no matter the cost, just for the sake. I can't abandon. I'd rather die trying then to abandon everything and keep my life.
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EMPTY :: , 04:03
Well, it's killing me.
I hate myself.
It's so hard to be devoid of emotions.
If i can't do it, i'll die
The reason is a reason i can't tell.
I never wanted you to feel this way. Not in my life a single second i want you to feel that way. I have to try changing, if not.......
I just hope you don't change.....
You're not wrong, I am.
You're not at fault, I am.
Blame it on my 6th sense, blame it on me.
You're not speaking nonsense, so don't shut your mouth up just because i've turned this way. I don't want to but i have to. Can't let you feel this way. The longer you feel this way, the faster i die from mental exhaustion cos i'm somehow, somehow connected to you emotionally.
Well, i know one thing: Silence
What can i say? I'm always at fault. I'm bleeding from all these. Well, but at least i'm still living. For how long? I don't know.
It's killing me, honestly.
Now i know why one can still feel sad even when he/she is listening to a dance tune or a happy tune. It has nothing to do with the song. It has to do with the memories that are tied to it.
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EMPTY :: Friday, July 02, 2010, 01:23
Choir concert was okay. Had some fun there.
We went back around 10+ pm. I have a wonderful junior who waited for my bus to come before she went home. Thanks(:
After i got home, i settled all my stuff before going online despite how tired i was. I stayed awake for you, to accompany you.
Today, things looked a little bad. I'll hope it turns out fine tomorrow.
Now just feeling a little bad.
That's all for today. Guess i won't be blogging much. Anyway not much people or maybe not even a single soul comes here anyway.
Good night everyone, have a good rest.
You too, good night, have a sweet dream
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EMPTY :: Thursday, July 01, 2010, 03:44
I miss you......
Hope we could meet up more often.
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