EMPTY :: Wednesday, June 03, 2009, 19:40
Today was the day that suck....
Jimmy Lim was screaming at me like as if he knows everything, wth la
you don't know anything then don't say anything, Mr Yeo knows and he didn't even say a thing, so what makes you have the right to do so? I need the class, yes you're right and since when I say I don't need? If I don't need the class, I might as well study at home and I don't even need to because I'd be a genius already.
Don't wanna talk about that already......let bygones be bygones
What difference will it make? Nothing.....
what am I talking about? Nothing......
Vague, that's my forte.
Nothing, that's where everything begins, where void started
slowly void is being filled, then we have full, rich.....
but everyone forgot that it all start with nothing......
without nothing and the necessary things to fill, it wouldn't be possible to get full, rich.......
sometimes I just owe people too much......they helped me, helped me umpteen times
and sometimes not helped me, but helped others. For that, I'm super grateful.
especially to _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
try guessing...you'll never guess the right one, too vague, yes too vague
my mind runs in a complicated way, or you can say complex way.....
not many people are able to understand why I do some actions, why I did this and that....
the thing is, my mind runs in a simple way, only life experience makes it seemed complex.......pain had transformed me, it has been part of my life since young.
Since young, I don't have a loving family, my family was torn apart, my family broke away. Mum remarried, dad remarried too.....
not only that.....once I thought I was being loved by my family....instead of it, I got a terrible twist.
My dad, the one whom I thought was so loving, tried to disown me, to give me to my mum when I was ill 5 years ago....like what is the logic? When I'm healthy, you loved me like I was a treasure and when I fall ill, you treat me like a dirt.....
you, my father, could do this........
what can I do except to cry in my heart and learn to fend for myself, you and my step mum always picked on me.......
you called me rebellious, called me rude, but who is the one who turned me into this? It's you, my father......
I don't use vulgarities even if my friends used it lots of time...I refrained from using it..
but you used it when you're lecturing me, yes I didn't say you can't lecture me when I'm wrong but you don't have to use the stupid vulgarities on me....you only make me lose respect for you even more.....
you used to ask: Why are you treating your friends better than us? Isn't family more important? Without us you've died long time ago.....
the fact is, I love my family...USED to love my family, but after finding out that your love for me was just an act, I've decided......
I need to learn to fend for myself if not I'll be dead by now.....
who is the one there for me when I was alone, sad, confused.....
not you.......my family, it was my friends.....
they gave me the strength to continue on, but you,
on the other hand, are just sucking all my life force away......
yes, without you I wouldn't have survived.....but I'll rather be dead then be tortured by you....
emotionless.....that's what some people called me, but the fact you don't understand
I've been reduced to a state where I have to fend for myself, where everywhere is like a battlefield......
when I scored well....I mean very well, or make improvements, you didn't congratulate me, instead, you snide at me, asking why I didn't do better then the one top in class or score even higher......
the fact is, you don't even bother knowing whether or not I've improved, you're just there to put me down, to destroy me........
I've managed to survive this long, thanks to my friends and God, who helped me along the way, He gave me the strength......
That's why I treasure my friends more than I treasure you all.....
that's why I want to protect any of my friends from harm.....
it's too much.....too much pain, I don't want any of my friends to suffer that type of pain I'm suffering.....no family love, no family care........left to fend for myself......it's too much
I can't bear to see my friends to suffer that type of pain, I'd rather helped them shoulder the pain and let them enjoy life
I'm growing old......old and tired, but I still have to continue no matter how much I bled.....
there are still some who are experiencing this type of pain and I have to help them eradicate all of it......
too much pain.....I have a terrible childhood which I don't even want to explain....
that's why sometimes I do offend people and don't mixed with them well......
I've lost my childhood, how to communicate with people of my age and below......
I hate that.....I hate myself for that........
why must I be the one without family love......one where people will agree it's the best love you can get? I'm only left with support from my friends, they are the one who sustained me until now........
that's why I treasure friends more then you, my family.....cos you gave me no love, there isn't any that exist within the family......maybe with the exception of my grandfather.....he is the only one who dotes on me, he protected me when you're trying to kill me...yes and I say kill.....
he's the only one who I love deeply in the family......
the rest goes to my friends and Him.
All of you, my grandfather, God and my friends, I love you all more then any other thing.
that's why.......that's why I'll cease to exist when my friends are all gone.....
cos they are my support.....my lifeline
Thank you, my friends.......
especially one to you, yh
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
