EMPTY :: Thursday, July 15, 2010, 22:52
Do you remember the times when you're sad and needed help in H? Or the times when you want to rant about your past in H? I was there. It'll never change. I'll be there for you.
I still remember that very day, you were very sad because of something, then we went to one of your rooms and you started talking about it, you said you were crying while talking to me, and as you cry, you asked me for help, to help you cos you're at your wits end. You sounded like you needed help desperately and that i'm the only one who you could trust. At that point of time, in H, i was the only one there you know very well. You don't know what to do. I told you that day, that i'll help no matter what. Do you remember what i've said? I don't know if you did but i remembered every details about your past, what you've told me.
Every time when you're sad and want to rant about your past or what, i always give you my ear, i always let you rant on, no matter how unreasonable it sounds, no matter how painful i feel when i could not do anything to help you. You did some ugly things and told me not to tell anyone about it and i promised you that.
No matter how tired i was, i always go on H, to accompany you just in case you need help or an ear. I never say you can't enjoy your time in H. You told me you come to H to escape from reality. There was once when you only came on at 3 in the morning. Seeing you on H, i immediately went on and you said i must love you a lot to be on at this point of time. Yes, you're right. I was indeed very tired, but i hang on just to accompany you because i love you. Well, you were right: I never wanted to come to H because i find it pointless and boring. BUT i created an account there because at that point of time, you were more messed up than you are now and that i know you spend most of your time there, so i created an account to help you, to talk to you. I know i lied to you initially that it wasn't me, but that is because i don't want you to know i'm helping you. I want to help you but i don't want you to know. End up you did, you knew me cos of my speaking way. I created an account in H to help you, to help you in anyway i can. Remember the times when you ask me how come i'm always silent, not talking? Well, the reason is i don't want to disrupt you from having fun since you were okay. I only talk when you were bored, or when you want to rant about stuff or when you're sad.
I appreciate everything you've given me in H, the furni, the respects and rights. I have never thought of having rewards for my help. I helped you cos i care for you and cos i love you.
And the thing is, i was never angry at you. Times when normal humans would get angry, i was not, instead of feeling angry like most people do, i felt disappointed and melancholic.
I do hope you are not angry with me anymore. I know what i need to do already. I know where i was wrong at. I won't be everywhere, I would only come H once in a while or a few days a week, just to check how are you. I have realise that i didn't give you enough space because i was too worried about you. I'm sorry about that. I apologise to you for that. Hope you are not angry anymore.
You said you were mental, i know. Despite that, i still hang on despite when i suffered cos i know when you have an episode, you suffer more. I still hang on because of you. Taking care of someone who is a little mental can be really hard. But i'm not giving up. i have taken an oath and i'm not going to break it.
I do hope you see this. Though i know most likely you won't come since no one comes to my blog anyway.
That's all i could think about. Always remember: I'll be there when you need help or an ear, i'll always be there for you. I promise.
It all ended in a teardrop. Empty
